Feed on

I did something the other day and I have not been able to reconcile with myself. My gramma was put into a memory care facility on July 1. I offered to come over on that day to help with anything left to do, since I am limited on my availability to be of service. I was told the best way I could help would be to take her cat to the pound, since she could not take it with her to her new living place.
I sobbed that night thinking I signed this cat’s death warrant. It went against my VERY NATURE to leave this cat to it’s certain death. The TRUTH is I have no idea what will happen to the cat. I pray for him everyday.

How I am with me determines how I am in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP. There are NO EXEMPTIONS!!! It is why I am so very PASSIONATE about this course and my coaching. We must love ourselves first and foremost OR we are not able to truly love another. How I treat me is ultimately how I will treat others, even if I never speak a word; I can often sit in judgment of others in my head. It is the same judgment I do to MYSELF.

10-People yes-ing

Much of my life was spent YES-ING people because:
I wanted to be liked.
I wanted to fit in.
I thought you would be mad if I said no.
I thought if I made you happy, I would be happy.
As a result, I made myself absolutely CRAZY.
Now I was doing nothing well and nobody was getting the best of me.
I also would have to quit something, inevitably, because I’d overlapped and overcommitted.

11-Mirror mirror

People reflect to us who and how we are. Sometimes, it is a behavior I may not exhibit anymore, but I also have not forgiven myself for being that way. The reflection includes the beautiful things too. Often we can get caught in seeing only the things we see as issues or problems.

I find myself frustrated because my feelings are raw and right on my sleeves. Then, I’m upset with myself because I’m NOT on the other side of it already.
GUESS WHAT? I get to practice what I’m preaching/teaching. I get to give myself PERMISSION to be EXACTLY where I am at this time and this moment.

Sensitive is the last woman to arrive gives me a look after a very short time being there to set up. I know this look. It is one of shock and disbelief at how Bossy is speaking to her husband.  
I acknowledge Sensitive and I am quite humored by the whole thing. 

Do you find that you are stuffing, eating or drinking your emotions?
When I don’t want to deal with something I will eat or go do something to completely distract me from feeling my feelings. I don’t like feeling those uncomfortable feelings and sometimes I will do things to NOT FEEL them. The feelings make me ffffeeeeellll VULNERABLE.
I am not comfortable being vulnerable. OR feeling something I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling OR it’s not a pleasant feeling. Life has a way of happening. We interact everyday with people, unless we’re agoraphobic or something else.

We accumulate stuff, feelings, life experiences and emotions that left UNPROCESSED, accumulate inside of us like garbage. When we continue stuffing the garbage, eventually, it begins to stink. The stinkiness is our behaviors that are the result of our STUFFED STUFF!!! Is it any wonder we struggle with loving ourselves? And have issues in our relationships?
Sometimes it’s alot of garbage, other times it is fairly clean and we get to keep it picked up. I watched the video and it occurs to me that we do this to ourselves as humans, whether it is emotional garbage or we collect things in our lives.

15-Mover and shaker

Are you a MOVER AND SHAKER for your own personal rights?
Your right to your feelings.
Your right to feel and acknowledge your feelings.
Your right to share those truths you discover about yourself.
This is all part of the journey into loving yourself from the inside out.
I found I didn’t need anybody outside of me to be abusive, I was perfectly capable of doing that to myself.
I fed myself poisonous food and water with my beliefs and thoughts about myself. I locked myself in my own mind of torture and isolation.

We met and at 3 weeks I get a text from Lew telling me; “that’s it. I’m done looking, you’re the one.” I was a bit excited and scared that he would say that after ONLY 3 weeks. You see, my pattern was to be the one to say that first. We meet, we like each other and soon after we are having sex. I was in love with being in love. I had no idea how to BE in a relationship that was healthy, loving and reciprocal. Today, I have all of that and MORE.

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